I forgot! I let something so beautiful sail right past me. How did I not see? How could I forget?
Last night after writing my blog post I was laying in my bed, thoughts swirling in my brain. And it occurred to me that I have not made it a habit to share with my children about their births. They aren't just my birth stories. They don't just belong to me. They are a part of them also. As a Doula and Childbirth Educator I know how very important it is how we meet our children in that first moment they enter this world. It's important to them too. It's their story. The pregnancy and birth is their beginning.
So, I said a prayer that I would remember to share with each of them about my pregnancies and births. I then recalled my daughter ZL's pregnancy. It was a very scary time for me. So full of uncertainty and fear. I didn't even know I was pregnant because I had a complete cycle where she should have been flushed out with the uterine lining but instead God was working even in this tiniest of beginnings and she wasn't. I discovered I was pregnant 10 days after I had started that cycle. I had a lot of spotting. An early u/s showed only a sac but no fetal pole yet. They weren't sure the baby was viable. I heard those words and right there I refused to accept that! I prayed and prayed! And every time I bled I would lay down and rub more progesterone cream right onto my womb. As I rubbed in the progesterone cream I would pray Psalm 139:5; You have hedged me behind and before, and laid your hand upon me.
I would pray this verse over and over with every bit of blood I saw. I would rub in my cream and speak the Word of Life over my child.
So, to continue, this morning the Lord brought to mind how I needed to share with ZL firstly about my pregnancy with her. I opened my bible and read to her Psalm 139:5. I then shared the story about how fearful and uncertain I was when pg with her. How I prayed this verse over her through the whole pregnancy. And as I held her and we cried; (she is a sensitive spirit this girlie. I begin to cry as I shared with her and she started to cry with me. ) I realized that I had forgotten. I had forgotten His faithfulness! This God who sees; El Roi. He knew. From the very moment the seed met the egg He knew.
You see, not only was her pregnancy uncertain but after her birth I begin to see some things and I wasn't sure what was going on. I begin to seek help with lactation consultants and my fellow La Leche Leaders. I believed she had an allergy to dairy as so many of the symptoms were just like what I had experienced with my son who was two yrs older than her. Then at 3 months old her little belly ballooned within just a few hours and I could feel her colon through her tummy. We rushed her to the emergency room. After many hours and many tests one older pediatrician who had been around the block a few times figured out what was going on with my precious girl. She had a rare disease called Hirschsprung's Disease. You see, in a baby while in the womb, weeks 5-13 the nerve cells from the mouth to the anus are being formed. In children with HD they are missing in different parts of the intestines. It can be severe or mild. Thankfully my daughter's was the more mild form.
As all of this was happening at the hospital and then being with her as she was life flighted to Denver children's hospital I forgot. There were so many people at many different churches praying for her back in our home town. But I was so overcome with fear that any bit of light had been snuffed out by darkness. The fear was so overpowering I begin to experience physical manifestations of it. My heart was skipping beats, constant heart palpitations. I had an over abundance of breastmilk but because of the fear and stress within a few hours I was only able to pump barely an ounce on each side. All I could see was my daughter RuthAnne lying still in my husband's arms and the sirens in the background. All I could see was death stretching out it's arms to swallow me whole.
But as I held my baby girl ZL today and tears ran down my cheeks I remembered. I remembered those 9 long months where this mama laid my hands over the life in my womb and prayed LIFE over her. Spoke that into her. Prayed that my Lord would hear my humble prayer and hedge my baby behind and before and lay His hand upon her. He did. During those days of pregnancy and then when she was so close to death He kept His hand upon her and hedged her behind and before. When the surgeon said she couldn't handle the surgery but the next morning was surprised to see how well she was and said he could do it. My Father had His hand upon her and was hedging her behind and before.
During her two life saving surgeries it was my God who had His mighty hand upon her and hedged her behind and before.
It is my Father who has His hand upon her to this day. He continues to hedge her behind and before. She is a healthy happy 10 yr. old today.
Fear brought darkness and I forgot but today I remembered! I remembered just Who it is I have given my life over to! I have remembered His faithfulness even in the most hopeless situations. When death is looming and all seems lost...
The scripture I prayed over her given to me by my Lord. He knew what was coming down the road. He knew the end of her life that would come so close..He knew! He saw it all and in His faithfulness and love He gave me my weapon. He gave me my hope. My power!
I will praise you all my days Lord! You are Everlasting Love. You are my Portion. You are my Hope.
Lord, help me to never again forget your work in my life. In the work of your hands in the life of my child. Help me to see your wonders and stand in awe!
Fear came to destroy and block out the truth. To control and wound but a Light nothing can stop and no darkness can hide from came in with His TRUTH and His LOVE.
Let me grasp this Everlasting Love Father. Let me not forget!
**************************************************************************
Last night after writing my blog post I was laying in my bed, thoughts swirling in my brain. And it occurred to me that I have not made it a habit to share with my children about their births. They aren't just my birth stories. They don't just belong to me. They are a part of them also. As a Doula and Childbirth Educator I know how very important it is how we meet our children in that first moment they enter this world. It's important to them too. It's their story. The pregnancy and birth is their beginning.
So, I said a prayer that I would remember to share with each of them about my pregnancies and births. I then recalled my daughter ZL's pregnancy. It was a very scary time for me. So full of uncertainty and fear. I didn't even know I was pregnant because I had a complete cycle where she should have been flushed out with the uterine lining but instead God was working even in this tiniest of beginnings and she wasn't. I discovered I was pregnant 10 days after I had started that cycle. I had a lot of spotting. An early u/s showed only a sac but no fetal pole yet. They weren't sure the baby was viable. I heard those words and right there I refused to accept that! I prayed and prayed! And every time I bled I would lay down and rub more progesterone cream right onto my womb. As I rubbed in the progesterone cream I would pray Psalm 139:5; You have hedged me behind and before, and laid your hand upon me.
I would pray this verse over and over with every bit of blood I saw. I would rub in my cream and speak the Word of Life over my child.
So, to continue, this morning the Lord brought to mind how I needed to share with ZL firstly about my pregnancy with her. I opened my bible and read to her Psalm 139:5. I then shared the story about how fearful and uncertain I was when pg with her. How I prayed this verse over her through the whole pregnancy. And as I held her and we cried; (she is a sensitive spirit this girlie. I begin to cry as I shared with her and she started to cry with me. ) I realized that I had forgotten. I had forgotten His faithfulness! This God who sees; El Roi. He knew. From the very moment the seed met the egg He knew.
You see, not only was her pregnancy uncertain but after her birth I begin to see some things and I wasn't sure what was going on. I begin to seek help with lactation consultants and my fellow La Leche Leaders. I believed she had an allergy to dairy as so many of the symptoms were just like what I had experienced with my son who was two yrs older than her. Then at 3 months old her little belly ballooned within just a few hours and I could feel her colon through her tummy. We rushed her to the emergency room. After many hours and many tests one older pediatrician who had been around the block a few times figured out what was going on with my precious girl. She had a rare disease called Hirschsprung's Disease. You see, in a baby while in the womb, weeks 5-13 the nerve cells from the mouth to the anus are being formed. In children with HD they are missing in different parts of the intestines. It can be severe or mild. Thankfully my daughter's was the more mild form.
As all of this was happening at the hospital and then being with her as she was life flighted to Denver children's hospital I forgot. There were so many people at many different churches praying for her back in our home town. But I was so overcome with fear that any bit of light had been snuffed out by darkness. The fear was so overpowering I begin to experience physical manifestations of it. My heart was skipping beats, constant heart palpitations. I had an over abundance of breastmilk but because of the fear and stress within a few hours I was only able to pump barely an ounce on each side. All I could see was my daughter RuthAnne lying still in my husband's arms and the sirens in the background. All I could see was death stretching out it's arms to swallow me whole.
But as I held my baby girl ZL today and tears ran down my cheeks I remembered. I remembered those 9 long months where this mama laid my hands over the life in my womb and prayed LIFE over her. Spoke that into her. Prayed that my Lord would hear my humble prayer and hedge my baby behind and before and lay His hand upon her. He did. During those days of pregnancy and then when she was so close to death He kept His hand upon her and hedged her behind and before. When the surgeon said she couldn't handle the surgery but the next morning was surprised to see how well she was and said he could do it. My Father had His hand upon her and was hedging her behind and before.
During her two life saving surgeries it was my God who had His mighty hand upon her and hedged her behind and before.
It is my Father who has His hand upon her to this day. He continues to hedge her behind and before. She is a healthy happy 10 yr. old today.
Fear brought darkness and I forgot but today I remembered! I remembered just Who it is I have given my life over to! I have remembered His faithfulness even in the most hopeless situations. When death is looming and all seems lost...
The scripture I prayed over her given to me by my Lord. He knew what was coming down the road. He knew the end of her life that would come so close..He knew! He saw it all and in His faithfulness and love He gave me my weapon. He gave me my hope. My power!
I will praise you all my days Lord! You are Everlasting Love. You are my Portion. You are my Hope.
Lord, help me to never again forget your work in my life. In the work of your hands in the life of my child. Help me to see your wonders and stand in awe!
Fear came to destroy and block out the truth. To control and wound but a Light nothing can stop and no darkness can hide from came in with His TRUTH and His LOVE.
Let me grasp this Everlasting Love Father. Let me not forget!
**************************************************************************
No comments:
Post a Comment