I have always had trouble with compliments. I am like everyone else and enjoy getting them. I need to hear that others see G-dly truths in my life and that there are fruits in my children and in my life. But when someone irl (online it's easier) says something compliment wise I am just never sure how to respond. Every day I look in the mirror at myself and I see this person staring back at me. This woman who isn't all she wants to be. I know who I truly am and I see so many character flaws and faults. I see how far I still have to go...
But then if I stop and ponder who I was years ago I can see how much my life has changed. How different I am and how much YHWH has changed in me! It's hard for me to recognize that person. I am ever so thankful that He did not leave me as I was!!
Tuesday night my children wanted to have a game night/family night. So after supper and chores were finished we all started with a game of hide and seek. It was fun hiding all over the house and having to run to base which was my glider in the living room. At one point I was hiding upstairs and Gabby who was *it* came into her room where I was hiding behind the door. Thankfully she didn't see me so I dashed out the doorway and literally flew down the stairs as fast as my pregnant body would move. All the while thinking how funny I must look with belly bobbing down the stairs!! I made it to base and had a good laugh at myself.
We then went onto play Mother May I and Simon Says. We ended our game playing with the memory game. We all had the giggles and had a great time! During our game of hide and seek my 4 yr. old dd ZaraLayna came up to me and hugged me. She then looked up at me with her big beautiful blue eyes and said, "I'm so happy!" It was then I realized again how simple things like playing games and allowing myself to be child again with my children meant more to them than most anything else I do. And again I have been pondering how the woman I am today is not who I used to be.
When I first started having children I truly did not enjoy doing things like this. I didn't enjoy going to the park, playing games or anything of the sort. I avoided them like the plague. I just stuck to being a mama and let my dh do those dreaded activities. But somewhere over the years Yeshua has changed my heart and today I LOVE doing these things with my children. I really enjoy my kiddos! I LOVE playing games with them and being with them.
I used to love being anywhere but at home. I would much rather be out than at home. But again I see such a change. I still love being with others but now it's only so much at a time becuz the truth be told I would rather be with my family at home than anywhere else in the world! Home has become my safe haven where the love of my children and amazing dh brings me peace and comfort. This is how Hashem wants our homes to be; filled with His love that we then give to each other.
As I have been reading thru this week's Parashah (Torah Portion) I have seen such devastating issues in these families that have had drastic consquences for all involved. Judah's sons not being willing to give Tamar a child and being struck dead to Judah not following through with his promise to give Shelah to her as a husband when he was grown. Tamar then took the situation into own hands pretending to be a harlot and conceiving a child with Judah himself!
If we would but live righteous lives and follow the whole of YHWH's word our lives would produce such wonderful bounty and fruit!
I am thankful that Hashem left us with these examples. It gives me much to meditate upon...
I know I have not arrived yet but thru YHWH's word and His strength I can try to live my life for His glory and years from now be able to look back and see that once again I don't recognize that person!
