Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY August 30, 2010

Outside my window...beautiful, clear blue skies

I am thinking...of how much better I am feeling

I am thankful for..Yeshua's word and how it defeats the enemy!

From the learning rooms...behind on our unit so will be working on getting caught up

From the kitchen...cream of wheat for breakfast

I am wearing...wind pants and pink tank top

I am creating...a positive atmosphere

I am going...to be leaving here shortly to pick up my son from the horse farm where he volunteers.

I am reading...The Prize Winner of Defiance Ohio

I am hoping...to see my friends real soon..miss them!

I am hearing... Casting Crowns

Around the house...kiddos up and doing chores and getting busy on Math

One of my favorite things...Starbucks Latte's

few plans for the rest of the week...catching up, library, keepers at home club...

Here is picture thought I am sharing...

A reflection of me and my friend Heather in Chicago....We had so much fun!!:)

Pics

Some pic updates...
KianAdley is 3 mo. now.. He is a super cute sweet baby. He smiles alot and it just melts my heart!

Here I am with JaidenNoah and my dd Gabriellia..two of my October babies. Both sweet children and such a blessing!

My sweet Quentin who will be 10 Sept. 11. They grow up so fast!

ZaraLayna and Isaac buddies till the end...

We went to the World Pulse Festival recently. It was great! I enjoyed hearing from the different Christian bands and singers. Toby Mac was the best imho!

Happy Thursday everyone! Be Blessed!

forgiving hurt...

I think it's so important to remember these verses when you have been hurt or offended by someone in your life. Having offenses against your brother and not dealing with them causes trouble in your relationship with the Father and by not obeying His word we are sinning. I wish those in my life would have obeyed the L-rd's word instead of holding offensives against me. By not obeying the L-rd's word we cause hurt for all involved. :(

Matthew 18: 15-16
If your brother wrongs you, go and show him his fault, between you and him privately. If he listens to you, you have won back your brother.

But if he does not listen, take along with you one or two others, so that every word may be confirmed and upheld by the testimony of two or three witnesses.

Matthew 5:24
Leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

Matthew 5:44-45
But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

Mark 11:25
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

Luke 6:35-38;42
But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." ... How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

Who will love me for me...

He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He’s the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, “Dear God won’t you please
Could you send someone here who will love me?”

Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day
She’s the woman whose husband has run away
She’ll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would’ve stayed
And she says…

Who will love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means

He’s waiting to die as he sits all alone
He’s a man in a cell who regrets what he’s done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
“Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home”

Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said
“I know you’ve murdered and I know you’ve lied
I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you’ll listen, I’ll tell you that I...”

I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew

Waiting..

This morning as I drove to pick up my son from the special needs horse farm where he volunteers I was thinking upon how the theme of my life has been waiting on the L-rd.

He has consistently called me to wait on Him, trust and put my hope in Him.

Several times come to mind;
After my baby girl RuthAnne passed away I waited on the L-rd to bring me out of severe grief and depression, out of a deep pit.
One memory that comes to mind along with the anguish I felt is in the months following her death being at a moms homeschooling meeting and when it was my turn to share telling the group that the L-rd had chosen me; had chosen me to be refined in the furnace of affliction.

'See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction" Isaiah 48:10

As I shared my voice broke and all the anguish in my heart spilled forth..
So easily my heart even now can recall how broken I was.. It's still under the surface; right there..


Another memory comes to mind of another baby girl in the hospital awaiting a surgery which would save her life. I remember not even knowing what to pray as I waited. All I could do was wait and trust in the L-rd and put my hope in Him. 


And again not long ago as I waited for the birth of my 11th child. I had chosen an unassisted birth putting all of my trust and hope in the L-rd and not man. Again and again the L-rd led me to Himself and told me to wait on Him and to trust. 
I wait for the Lord, I expectantly wait, and in His word do I hope.~ Psalm 130:5 (Amplified Bible)


There are so many memories; waiting on Him for daily provision, with my fertility and body, a place to call our own, vehicles, weight loss, health issues, etc..
It's a constant in my relationship with Yeshua. 
I want to fix things myself. I am impulsive by nature but over and over again He calls me to WAIT ON HIM! Not to rush ahead, not to do things on my own. But to just wait and trust. 
It's an active trust where I wait with expectation and hope. 
My soul, wait in silence for God alone, because my hope comes from him.~Psalm 62:5
I am seeing a change in me. I am growing and spiritually maturing. It is becoming easier and easier to wait and trust. To give my cares and burdens to Elohim and know the result will be of His design. 

What comes to mind is the phrase "Beauty for Ashes"  This is what He is giving me....

never intended...

I have been so busy lately. I am leading a homeschool group, have started our homeschool year, being a wife and mama, home fellowship, weight watchers, etc..

Even in the midst of all of this I feel so alone. In reality I know I am not but even that truth doesn't erase what I feel. Even while sitting in a restaurant with a friend I feel alone..I can feel my spirit just sinking down, down to that sad place.
I am learning lessons..lessons life is teaching me. I know there is no other place to learn them. How things can change but also stay the same.
I am learning to turn to the L-rd and not man. Learning to find my value in him, what I need and that secure place. I am learning that I will never measure up to perfection but in His eyes I am blemish free. His bride..
And I am still seeking for my bosom buddy. That one person who will fill up any silence in comfortable ease. Where no words are needed and our hearts just mold together. I know that there is someone like that out there. Friendship is so important. I am thankful for my many friends here who pray for me and love me right here the way I am. :)I think I have lost any hope that I will be loved just for me but I find hope because of these ladies. I always feel that I am just one thoughtless word, or miscommunication from having noone. Hope, I can hang onto..and so I do.

It all starts as a tiny baby and child when you hunger for love and it's never returned. And then stays with you as you grow and are repeatedly scorned and rejected even into your adult life. I have tried to be rid of the things this has done to me, who I am, and through the L-rd's goodness I have managed to come so far but the effects of this lack of love and concern have left immeasurable scars on my very being. Sadly, it has shaped me..but not always in a negative way. There have been positives and things I have changed for my own children.
 
My dh, as much as we may have our moments of anger and hurt and our voices raised, I know that he loves me. I know he is mine until death separates us. He has been the one constant in my life. The one person I can count on to love me regardless of the foolish things I do and say. My Hosea..(if you haven't read the story of Hosea in the Bible you should) I am amazed at his love for me and grateful for what Elohim has given me in this man. Daily reminded of the L-rd's love for me through my love.
 
I never intended to write what I have but I just have so much going on inside of me these days. It's good to have a place to journal. To put my thoughts to paper....er...blog land..