I love the beginning of a new year. It is a time I can start over. I know, I know, any time can be a starting place for newness but the first month on our calendar always reminds me of new things; hopes and dreams all fresh and a place to begin again.
I don't usually make New Year Resolutions and if I do like most people I don't keep them. Every year my greatest desire is to do better at spending time with the Father in His Word. To make Him my priority. This is something I am still working at every day. I want to end the year closer to His heart than where I began.
This year though I have things I want to accomplish. I am walking out of PPD and into joy and hope. What I haven't mentioned is that I made what for me was a huge decision and began to see a Therapist. My 2nd appointment is this week and surprisingly I am looking forward to it. I grew up always being told that we don't tell anyone our dirty laundry. Everything stays in our home. I brought that into adulthood. I grew up not being allowed to be vulnerable so as an adult being vulnerable and seeking help has been very hard for me. But I knew I needed to change. I knew I needed help walking through many things in my life; the PPD and childhood issues and hurts...betrayal as an adult and hurt piled upon hurt by human beings who are as flawed as I am.
So I walked into the Therapists office a few weeks ago for the first time and I did what I have never done before...I told her about my hurts and wounds. Deep things in my heart that have never been healed. I aired my "dirty laundry" so to speak. And when I left although I felt emotionally overloaded and on the verge of tears it also felt right. I knew it was right where the Father had led me.
This is the newness that He is leading me into.
I also have that last bit of weight to lose to arrive at my goal weight. Can you believe I have lost 6 ounces shy of 65lbs? In about 10 months I lost 65lbs! But I am not done. I have 30 lbs to go!
I plan to make a habit of working out at the gym 4-5 times a week. I am also making veggie/protein/fruit smoothies most days to add to my diet. And I have now been Gluten Free for about 5 months! (I still miss bread and pizza!)
Every year I also strive to be a better mother and wife. I want to change what isn't working and think of new ways to bring my children up to love and serve the Father. I want their lives to be fun and joyful! I want them to have great memories to pass onto their children someday!
I want my husband to want to come home at the end of each day to see me and wrap his arms around me. I want him to WANT to be with me! I want to be more than some old married couple. I want to be lovers and best friends! I don't think that being married for just about 19 yrs should prevent us from accomplishing this. If anything it should benefit us to be better for each other!
When my sweet man comes home each day he greets me with a kiss and a hug. He asks me how my day went. And each time with my arms around him I tell him it's better now..better now that he is home.
I feel so blessed that I get to be my man's wife. To hear him tell me I am beautiful everyday. In fact, one of the nicknames he has for me is "Beautiful". He has my heart!!
And so......
There is a road ahead of me with many twists and turns. I don't know exactly where it may lead but I can trust that with my hand in the Father's I will arrive at the end better than I began!
I don't usually make New Year Resolutions and if I do like most people I don't keep them. Every year my greatest desire is to do better at spending time with the Father in His Word. To make Him my priority. This is something I am still working at every day. I want to end the year closer to His heart than where I began.
This year though I have things I want to accomplish. I am walking out of PPD and into joy and hope. What I haven't mentioned is that I made what for me was a huge decision and began to see a Therapist. My 2nd appointment is this week and surprisingly I am looking forward to it. I grew up always being told that we don't tell anyone our dirty laundry. Everything stays in our home. I brought that into adulthood. I grew up not being allowed to be vulnerable so as an adult being vulnerable and seeking help has been very hard for me. But I knew I needed to change. I knew I needed help walking through many things in my life; the PPD and childhood issues and hurts...betrayal as an adult and hurt piled upon hurt by human beings who are as flawed as I am.
So I walked into the Therapists office a few weeks ago for the first time and I did what I have never done before...I told her about my hurts and wounds. Deep things in my heart that have never been healed. I aired my "dirty laundry" so to speak. And when I left although I felt emotionally overloaded and on the verge of tears it also felt right. I knew it was right where the Father had led me.
This is the newness that He is leading me into.
I also have that last bit of weight to lose to arrive at my goal weight. Can you believe I have lost 6 ounces shy of 65lbs? In about 10 months I lost 65lbs! But I am not done. I have 30 lbs to go!
I plan to make a habit of working out at the gym 4-5 times a week. I am also making veggie/protein/fruit smoothies most days to add to my diet. And I have now been Gluten Free for about 5 months! (I still miss bread and pizza!)
Every year I also strive to be a better mother and wife. I want to change what isn't working and think of new ways to bring my children up to love and serve the Father. I want their lives to be fun and joyful! I want them to have great memories to pass onto their children someday!
I want my husband to want to come home at the end of each day to see me and wrap his arms around me. I want him to WANT to be with me! I want to be more than some old married couple. I want to be lovers and best friends! I don't think that being married for just about 19 yrs should prevent us from accomplishing this. If anything it should benefit us to be better for each other!
When my sweet man comes home each day he greets me with a kiss and a hug. He asks me how my day went. And each time with my arms around him I tell him it's better now..better now that he is home.
I feel so blessed that I get to be my man's wife. To hear him tell me I am beautiful everyday. In fact, one of the nicknames he has for me is "Beautiful". He has my heart!!
And so......
There is a road ahead of me with many twists and turns. I don't know exactly where it may lead but I can trust that with my hand in the Father's I will arrive at the end better than I began!
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