I am a pretender. I pretend..I pretend I feel great. I pretend life is good and I am always happy..when others ask me how I am I say good or alright when I am not..yes I am a pretender..
When I am weak I pretend to be strong..when I am mad I cover it up with laughter..when I want the whole entire world to go away I shove it deep down inside and go on..
When I don't want to be a mama anymore and am at my last bit of patience I simply ignore it and push it away..I certainly don't allow myself to own it.
I am a pretender...
When I don't have it all together I say I do...when I need help I never ask...when my daughter dies or another daughter is sick I plaster a smile on my face and get it done.. .I am strong...I tell myself I need no one...
When I want to scream I don't...
When I want to run away I don't..
When I need some space I don't take it..
When I need alone time I feel too guilty to do it...
Yes, I pretend...
I do the same except I call it suck up and move on. But some times it sneaks up on you and feels overwhelming. And you wish someone else could just step in and help without you asking or begging.. just long enough for you to catch your breath again.
ReplyDeleteAmbra,
ReplyDeleteI have been reading your posts, and my heart goes out to you....I am not sure what I can say, but I will pray for you....
If you are able, let it out...SCREAM, Cry, and holler....a friend once told me....if we keep it in, we will blow up. I think she was right!
May YHVH fill you with love and peace.
I agree with Andi. If you need, go somewhere and scream. It's true that those who lose it are usually those who have bottled up things for so long, that it build and build and builds...until, BOOM, the person goes crazy and does the unimaginable. Dear friend, don't let that happen to you. Get John to stay home with the kids and take an hour to drive out in the country to a place where you can pray and meditate in solitude, surrounded by beauty and fresh air. Don't just do it once. Start doing it weekly or whenever you can, so you can start feeling better. Our Lord Brother had so much stresses surrounding him, and he knew he had to get away by himself to pray and have peace. I love you so much!
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