RuthAnne Michelle

9 years ago today my sweet baby girl RuthAnne went to glory...She was almost 1 month old..She passed away in her daddy's arms..something I am thankful for. His face was the last thing she saw. She knew she was loved..

RuthAnne Michelle

Ruthanne in mama's arms with her twin brother Micah..2 weeks old..

I look forward to the day when I get to hold her again..
I miss you baby girl..someday I will hold you again and make up for all the lost years..

let us kneel & bow down..

Today I attended a bible study that a friend invited me too. I wasn't sure what they would be studying or honestly if I even wanted to go. When my friend told me she would come get me I knew I didn't have any good excuses not to go..
The topic to my surprise was just what I needed. Prayer..something I haven't been doing enough of. Sadly in my walk with Father I struggle with finding time to pray. Also I struggle with wanting too, when I am going through hard trials..I pray those small prayers here and there each day but they aren't the prayers I am sure Father longs for..
I realized just today that my prayers are more about me than about Him..I don't praise Him just for being Who He is.
During the study our leader suggested some Psalms to pray..Tonite I laid across my bed and just began to pray these Psalms. And you know what? Father met me there..He sent His Holy Spirit to comfort me.
I have made a choice to pray and praise Father not because my situation has changed because you know, it hasn't but just because He is a great God, a great King greater than all gods. (Psalm 95:3)
And if it never changes you will still find me praising Him! Just because He is due my praise and adoration..

"He holds the depths of the earth in His hands:
the mountain peaks too belong to Him.
The sea is His-He made it-
and His hands shaped the dry land."


"Come, let's bow down and worship;
let's kneel before Adonai who made us.
For He is our God, and we are the people
in His pasture, the sheep in His care." ~ Psalm 95:4-7    

Adjustment...

It is taking me a longer amount of time to adjust to our new home than in the past..

We had planned to stay in IN and to dig our roots deep down. To carve a place for our children & children's children..and then all of those dreams were surrendered to Father. I was/am willing to go where he directs and do as He says. I am willing to do my best to bloom where He has planted me but I can't say it's easy or some days even much fun.

I still spend moments of time in tears for what we left behind. Perhaps that means I am like Lot's wife who looked back longing for what she had left behind or maybe I am just human and frail. A woman who misses her life as it was in IN and those people there who enriched it.

It's dry here in Tx and I can't help but compare that to the dryness I feel down deep in my soul. I am making a concentrated effort to be in the Word and it's as I read that I can feel the Water of Life pouring onto my parched and cracked heart.
Other times the familiar feeling of despair is in the air..

The old familiar poem "Footprints", I picture that in my mind and the Father carrying me through the valley up onto the mountain.
My prayer has become, "Father change my heart towards our new home and circumstances." Do I believe He will? Yes, because thats just Who He is! He is Faithful!

 



  

formula for friendships??

How does one learn to trust again?  Is there some formula: a + b = c ? How do you learn to see the blessings in people hurting you and being exactly what you were hoping they weren't? I am trying to understand how I can learn to trust and to put myself out there. It's hard to allow myself to be vulnerable...But I am a social person and a passionate person. It's hard for me because truthfully I love people. I see them as created in the image of Father.. I know He loves them and asks me to also. I enjoy being sociable. I love laughing and visiting. I love being there for others when they might need me and knowing they are there for me too..

I am still learning how to recognize safe people. It's a hard thing but I can see I am getting better at it.. I guess the adage live and learn applies here.

I don't think I am expecting too much..
Things like loving like Christ
being there for each other
understanding
listening to each others feelings
putting yourself in their shoes
selflessness instead of selfishness
humbleness instead of pride
etc..

I think we can all agree we all hope for these things in our relationships.

I will keep praying and being open to learning new lessons. I will continue to try and then try and then try again.. And I will continue to do my best to love as Christ loved and to walk away from bad relationships where I missed the obvious signs of an unsafe person..

And I too want to be open to hearing from Father on how I can change and be more like Him in my behavior towards others. Always lots to learn in this area.

Like so many things in life it's a journey; although it can be painful there is much joy in the journey! I don't want to miss out on that! And a thought comes to me; I don't want to miss out on the ways I can bless others!! Perhaps just as in all things Father had a purpose and a plan so in this too! :)

A new hairdo..

I decided to get my hair cut and into a totally new hair style. I am so pleased with how it turned out! It's so stylish, chic and easy to fix too!!

Tea Party!

Saturday my little girls and I went to High Tea! It was lovely! We had the yummiest cucumber sandwiches! There were also delicate desserts and delicious tea. The girls were given a basket full of hats to choose from. How fun!!

Gabby..

Gabby & ZaraLayna

ZaraLayna

This is all of us; homeschool mamas with our girls..:)

It was a special time for my daughters and I. I enjoy having some mama daughter time with them. We just don't get enough of that!

Confusion is the word....

Do you ever feel your mind full to the brim and ready to explode with all the conflicting info out there? There is so much stuff to sift through regarding our health; what's good for you and what's not, treatments for diseases; what works and what doesn't. And in regards to our Faith; what's truth and what's not; what's just man's opinions and what's not; what's man's traditions and what isn't. What do we follow and what do we put aside.. You can fine a myriad of so called Bible Scholars out there who will tell you where and how the bible tells us to do this or that..and then there are a myriad of Bible Scholars on the other side of any issue who will show you other scriptures that say we shouldn't do this or that. WHEW! Can anyone say confusing?!!!

So I have decided to do what we should all do anyway, and that's seek the Father and His wisdom only.. Yeshua so graciously reminded me this past weekend that He has sent the Holy Spirit as my Helper and guide who will lead me into all Truth! It is possible to simply forget for a time that He is always there to help and that is where I found myself. I have become so confused and so focused on getting it right whatever that means??? that I forgot that I have the Spirit of G-d to guide me and to help me. And as a bonus he also brings me comfort!

I have not been hearing His voice and this brought me much sadness. I was laying in my bed pouring my heart out to him and although I wasn't on my knees because a sweet baby boy was breastfeeding; in my mind I knelt before the Most High and spoke to Him. I asked Him why I wasn't hearing His voice anymore..and as quick as the blink of an eye He gave me an answer. He told me that I had not been listening...Such clarity in that instant. I have been so focused on my performance that I have not been listening to His voice! And it grew dimmer the more I performed until it literally was gone....  

I shared all my confusion and emotion with my sweet man and He read me scripture from Galatians reminding me that my righteousness is achieved through Yeshua's sacrifice and my trust and faithfulness to Him. I can not perform my way to heaven or to righteousness. While living a G-d honoring life and obeying His mitzvot (commands) I must not forget this important truth!

So while these important issues were being dealt with and Yeshua was answering some of my questions there are still many things that need answers.

We had a family meeting with the children and together my dh and I are praying and seeking the Truth..knowing that the Holy Spirit is our helper, comforter and guide into all Truth.

But when He, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; He will speak only what He hears, and He will tell you what is yet to come.~ John 16:13


One thing I have learned and know is that Yeshua loves me and that I don't have to perform. And I know that without the Holy Spirit in my life guiding and helping me I am lost. If I stop hearing the voice of Yeshua I have nothing and am wandering in a world as a blind man...without these two important things my faith is dead and meaningless....then what good is it to have the actions but without the Spirit? Faith must coexist with action; with works to truly be faith. The trick here is to not let our works become that of performance as our righteousness comes from Yeshua and Him alone. And it is tricky...I am still trying to figure it all out..
The minute we think we have all the answers and are the ones walking right is the minute we will be humbled and brought low..

Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall.~ 1 Corinthians 10:12  

In all of this I just want Yeshua..and Him alone..my heart yearns for Him...

Raw Food Challenge

I am doing a 30 Day Raw Food Challenge over at my weight loss blog..

Want to follow along with me on my journey?? Check it out!!!

HappyHealthyMama