Admitting Postpartum Depression

This happened in my life...not because I asked for it, worked for it, desired it or chose it. It just happened.

Postpartum depression isn't something that happens to a select few. It isn't in your genes or your fault. It just happens sometimes. It can happen to you and it can happen to me.

In fact it did, happen to me that is...

It's been a hard thing to admit. A hard thing to discuss or tell anyone about. I had to get to one of my lowest points to finally reach the place where I could tell others and admit it to myself.

I've never been any good at admitting my weakness's. The places where I fail..

You mean I have postpartum depression? Me?

I had to stand in the mirror and point my finger at the woman reflecting back at me. Yes, you!

I had to seek the Father in prayer and tell my love. I had to change some areas of my life and keep my ears open to His voice and leading.

I have had to take new steps and let go of the guilt. Ugly word!

And it's still hard to admit to new people Father places in my path...

I know I need to go to the Therapist but I delay to make that appointment because I struggle with bearing my heart to her. I'm afraid to show her how messy my mind is..  how vulnerable I feel.

Do I have good times? yep! And good days! But my bad times are so rough and so chaotic...

There is that flatness and layer of sadness under it all. That's what I want to be rid of!

If you see a woman hand in hand with the Light that would be me. I am learning to always keep my hand lightly in His and at times of greatest need I hold on tightly..

Step by step. Moment by moment. Grace by grace.