The testing..

I have been struggling with trusting Father's plan for my life for months. I just haven't been happy about the way He is doing things. I felt like He was the puppet master and I the puppet. Did He even care or hear my cries up there??

Sometimes the Father has to let us get to a place..perhaps through trials and not getting our own way or our prayers being answered with no over and over again that we finally succumb to His will. Maybe in all this we can see His purpose and plan?  Maybe when we don't understand and we whisper, "Why not me?" or "Why me?" we can hear His still small voice ask us "why not you?" Maybe we can hear Him say to us.."look at your sweet children..10 wonderful blessings from me...look at your marriage..your husband who blesses you everyday..look at the many riches in this life I have blessed you with..don't ask why or why not..be thankful..be thankful for these blessings and don't forget to thank me for them for they come from me!"

We can choose to live our lives being unthankful. Not happy that we don't have the things we think we need. Always wanting more.  Never realizing all that we do have! Desires aren't wrong, but if they are not desired under the will of Father than they can become these "angry", "painful" things..

One night before that beautiful pink line I lay in bed praying and communing with Father. I was praying for something my heart longed for and had for many months. Laying there in the dark I finally realized that Father truly knows all things. He sees the beginning to the end. Everything in between is either where we begin or helps us get to the end...and at the end-LOVE. And out of no where I knew that I trusted Him. I trusted His purpose and His plan for my life even if that meant my desire would never be fulfilled.

So I opened my mouth and told Father "I trust You. I trust in Your purposes and Your plan for my life. That doesn't mean I'm not sad when Your answer is no. It still hurts, but I trust that You know what's best and know much better than I." Speaking these words truly did fill me with peace and a sense of freedom. Freedom to let God be God and to let Jewel be Jewel...

And now a bit shy of a week those words I spoke are being tested. I am not angry at Father. My first emotion knowing the baby was gone wasn't anger just a deep sadness. A deep pain of loss for all those hopes and dreams. All that longing! As I sat after getting off the phone with a friend of mine and had a moment to think it hit me square between the eyes. Here is my test..Do I, will I trust Him; His purposes & His plan? Do I truly believe He knows the Beginning from the end..that all those things in between start us and lead us to Him?  Peace filled me as the answer to those questions became clear. Yes, I do trust Him and His purpose & plan. I trust Him today, tomorrow and always. I know he knows best so much more than I. Even in heartache and loss, in sickness and health, in happy & sad.

Scripture tells us He is all in all..I can see that now. He is in all things..all the tears I have cried today. All the pain I have felt. All the disappointment and anguish. Not just in the pain though..He is the smiles and the laughter and those silly things my littles do. He is in the rain and the beautiful flowers my dh brings me now and then. He is in those words my dh spoke to me, " You truly are a blessing to me. It will get better in time"
He is all in all..all things begin in Him and end in Him.

I do believe in His will. His plan and His purpose. For me! For me! For my life!

I opened up my devotional for today and Father had something waiting for me there..let me share it with ya'll here;

January 24

My peace is the treasure of treasures; the pearl of great price. It is an exquisitely costly gift, both for the Giver and the receiver. I purchased this peace for you with My blood. You receive this gift by trusting Me in the midst of life's storms. If you have the world's peace-everything going your way- you don't seek My unfathomable peace. Thank Me when things do not go your way, because spiritual blessings come wrapped in trials. Adverse circumstances are normal in a fallen world. Expect them each day. Rejoice in the face of hardship, for I have overcome the world.

James 1:2

Amplified Bible (AMP)

²Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations.

John 16:33

Amplified Bible (AMP)

³³I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]

Isaiah 55:9
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughtsthan your thoughts.


Psalm 28:7
The Lord is my Strength and my [impenetrable] Shield; my heart trusts in, relies on, and confidently leans on Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song will I praise Him.


Proverbs 3:5
Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.




I love you Father..help me to love You more..