His Purpose

Isn't it funny how sometimes your world seems to stop but the earth keeps turning and everyone keeps on living while you feel that you have stopped? 


This was me all of last week. Today? I have moments of beauty and moments of ugly. Moments filled with smiles covering my face and moments of sadness where my eyes fill with tears. 
I am improving and ever so slowly my world is starting to turn.


The hurt is still there and my heart is still bleeding but the gush has slowed to a trickle. 


The hardest thing to deal with is the longing unfulfilled and the disappointment. A life, although short; lost. 


I decided to name my baby..I have chosen Shalom. Shalom=peace..Chosen because I believe Father has given me much peace during this time and this word; Shalom; is what Father is speaking into my heart for my life regardless of what hurts surround. I still hurt and I still cry but in the midst of all of that I have peace. Peace; Shalom, rest in Father's will & plan for my life. His purpose. 


While studying Daniel Boone during homeschooling today with my 9 yr. old Micah we came across this quote:


 I have never been lost, but I will admit to being confused for several weeks.”

~ Daniel Boone~

This is me. I have never been lost because the Creator of everything has me in the palm of His hand. But I have been confused and yes for the last several weeks even..I have felt lost but I "know" that Father can always find me for He keeps me close. I am kept as the apple of His eye. 

 Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings~ Psalm 17:8

+ A side note: something that I was reminded of the past few days..in Hebrew the word "believe" means trust and obey..It's not just this fuzzy feeling that we feel. It's an action. We believe in Yeshua Messiah and then we act on that belief by trusting Him and obeying Him. 

Neither of those things come easily. They go against our sinful nature. But we can begin by trusting Him in the small things in our lives and then work up to the bigger things. We can read His commandments and then act on them; obeying Him. 

I have chosen to trust Father with the loss of this baby. Trusting Him and again His purpose. Do I understand? No I don't. Am I hurting? Yes, but I still trust Him even in this. And then I can obey; following His word. Living it out in my life. Starting with the commandment that all the laws hang upon; Love thy neighbor as thyself.. 

I then move on from there. 

I love you Father..help me to love you more...

1 John 5:2-3

New International Version (NIV)

² This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. ³ In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome