This is familiar to me..after my infant dd RuthAnne died despair visited me for the better part of two years. It was my friend and my enemy...but through it all I held onto the L-rd's hand and was able through His power and His word to push despair away and back where it came from.
I know the baby blues and know its normal after birth.. but I also know the tendency I could have to sink into a much deeper place and that's just not something Yeshua wants for me or that I want for myself!
Not just hormonal baby blues but the pain I have physically; the hurt caused by someone meant to help my body heal, and feeling so alone; all of it could easily drag me down into a pit..a pit too deep to climb out of for a good long time..
It means I have grown that I can recognize the enemy in all its forms..it means I am more His than I was..that I can know victory over defeat.. It means that I am no longer bound...I am unshackled..
Growth sneaks up on me until its smacking me right in the face and I see how obviously I have changed! I am different..that new man comes shining through...I am more content; more at peace; I trust more and have many new experiences in my experience box to draw from during times of testing and trial..experiences that prove my Saviour is true and faithful! Trials that show His goodness and that he alone provides..
Who is this woman? This is me; a new creature; the old is gone and now?? All things have become new!!
I wrote you a comment a moment ago but i think something happened and it didn't go through...
ReplyDelete((hugs)) I find I am a my most raw state directly after having a baby. not just phsyically and emotionally but spiritually. bliss, despair, anxiety, pain, and joy.... they are so very close to one another.
It is ok to be raw and vulnerable. this is what changes us. Being open can hurt something, but it can also heal and help us to grow and bond with one another and with God.
((hugs))
The postpartum nights were always the worst, there is something about the night for me that allows the dark thoughts in.
ReplyDeleteI have been reading your blog since right before JaidenNoah was born and you have grown and changed so much and in turn have helped me to also grow and change. You will get through this. Make sure to eats lots of protein to keep your blood sugar stable. {{hugs}}