Waiting..

This morning as I drove to pick up my son from the special needs horse farm where he volunteers I was thinking upon how the theme of my life has been waiting on the L-rd.

He has consistently called me to wait on Him, trust and put my hope in Him.

Several times come to mind;
After my baby girl RuthAnne passed away I waited on the L-rd to bring me out of severe grief and depression, out of a deep pit.
One memory that comes to mind along with the anguish I felt is in the months following her death being at a moms homeschooling meeting and when it was my turn to share telling the group that the L-rd had chosen me; had chosen me to be refined in the furnace of affliction.

'See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction" Isaiah 48:10

As I shared my voice broke and all the anguish in my heart spilled forth..
So easily my heart even now can recall how broken I was.. It's still under the surface; right there..


Another memory comes to mind of another baby girl in the hospital awaiting a surgery which would save her life. I remember not even knowing what to pray as I waited. All I could do was wait and trust in the L-rd and put my hope in Him. 


And again not long ago as I waited for the birth of my 11th child. I had chosen an unassisted birth putting all of my trust and hope in the L-rd and not man. Again and again the L-rd led me to Himself and told me to wait on Him and to trust. 
I wait for the Lord, I expectantly wait, and in His word do I hope.~ Psalm 130:5 (Amplified Bible)


There are so many memories; waiting on Him for daily provision, with my fertility and body, a place to call our own, vehicles, weight loss, health issues, etc..
It's a constant in my relationship with Yeshua. 
I want to fix things myself. I am impulsive by nature but over and over again He calls me to WAIT ON HIM! Not to rush ahead, not to do things on my own. But to just wait and trust. 
It's an active trust where I wait with expectation and hope. 
My soul, wait in silence for God alone, because my hope comes from him.~Psalm 62:5
I am seeing a change in me. I am growing and spiritually maturing. It is becoming easier and easier to wait and trust. To give my cares and burdens to Elohim and know the result will be of His design. 

What comes to mind is the phrase "Beauty for Ashes"  This is what He is giving me....